I feel under a certain amount of obligation to do some kind of New Year's post, either looking back on 2016 (may it rest in miserable peace) or on resolutions and plans for 2017. The problem is I don't have any resolutions per-se, and any retrospective of 2016 would mostly be a repeat of the kind of things I'm writing about anyway travel-wise, or just the phrase "my PhD is Hell" written over and over again.
So I've opted to cheat, and just write something I've been meaning to talk about for a while, sort of in the vein of that latter option above. Far be it from me to advise people not to do a PhD. Instead maybe this will act more as a warning of what to expect from the point of view of somebody mentally-broken.
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'Twas the night before Christmas, and for people depressed,
Expectations of joy, may instead leave you stressed... The anxious may find, that rather than "cheer", Their social commitments cause feelings of fear. Elation! Delight! That's the typical norm, All those Christmasy things leave you fuzzy and warm! Most people get this, and wouldn't assume, The emotion you're feeling, is actually "gloom". Good StuffVisiting some friends in Taree, we began what became a grand tradition of "Finding a lovely beach that you can't really swim at, but you can still appreciate" by taking a day trip to nearby Forster. That was mostly nice, and was helped enormously by the world's most tenacious pelican trying to invade a fishing store.
New Zealanders haven't quite mastered the English language. It's not as terrible as the American attempt at the mother tongue (YEH I SAID IT), but there are definitely a few turns of phrase that will be unfamiliar to the travelling Brit (depressed or not). As a public service—and since my blog is doing quite nicely these days—I thought I'd compile a short list to help people out. Don't think of me as a hero.
Boredom is the worst. You ever get that special kind of bored feeling, where it's like someone has draped a thick slab of lard across your head and body and then sat on it? There's a tangible weight that sort of makes you feel uncomfortable and itchy and fuzzy and queasy. I hate that feeling
Good StuffWe head North from Sydney to the beautiful Hunter Valley region. Wine growing, wine tasting, wine drinking, and a superb wedding for some friends, meaning we stayed in this 'ere pretend-Mediterranean style villa. The herds (herds? flocks? bounces?) of wild kangaroos and the sun made these few days some of the best we've had so far. Did I mention wine? Wine. Bad StuffScientific fact: Weddings are stressful. Much as it wasn't mine, I was involved in the proceedings and at times it got a bit hectic. There was also the problem of finding a nice place to hang out when the air is thick with eleventy billion flies the size of roofing tiles, but these are minor nitpicks.
(If you don't know what's going on here, try this) Good stuffSydney! The Big...Er...Meat Pie? Great city. Especially after Hong Kong it was nice to be able to breathe. Clean, attractive, Taronga Zoo (spectacular), bars and stuff, and this was the view from the end of the road we stayed on: Another huge plus: Staying with a friend rather than in a hostel. Nice house, nice beaches, nice people, nice weather.... nice. Bad stuffOh man the Westfield Tower is just... not worth it. What's the point of seeing Sydney from above if you can barely see the Opera House and the Bridge? Hey give us a ton of money and look at these reasonably boring skyscrapers!
Hey small-but-loyal readership!
First thing: I'm on Facebook now! Yay! Now you can have your blog updates delivered somewhere you'll actually see them. Thanks to those of you that did my wee survey on what I can do on this blog to make it more blogtacular (i.e. I'm being needy). A lot of people seemed keen on:
The fact that I've barely had a chance to start this is to be taken as a positive sign. Travelling continually for over a month isn't something I've ever attempted before but (as any sufferers can well attest) having a busy schedule is a moderately sure-fire way of preventing the melancholies from setting in. One absolutely guaranteed way to ensure they do hit hard is to take a stopover on your flight out in Hong Kong at the height of the season known in the local tongue as "Smog". Turns out there's nothing better than walking around a crowded, dirty, malodorous, ugly city for several hours to make you run through the whole gamut of self-doubting questions or criticisms you worry about when first planning a six month trip. Things like "Why did I do this?", "Maybe I should cancel this whole thing", "Am I going to be this down the entire time?" et al. Thankfully the first 48 hours haven't been representative of the rest of the trip, on average, and so such feelings have generally abated.
So What HAVE You Been Feeling? Eesh... that's... a knotty question. Honestly I'd either expected to feel consistently better or consistently more depressed than back home but the reality is much less catchy. Overall my mood tracker looks like a sort of jagged rock vista with no consistency and some worrying spikes of sadness, most notably around the Train of Misery®. The following are some assorted notes, taken on my phone, during my trip thus far. I share them partly because they usually represented me at my absolute worst, and might (?) give some insight into how the travelling depressive brain sees things, and partly out of a sadistic need to spread my negative experiences as widely as possible. As if you don't have enough to worry about. Outward bound "Seven hours airborne, third film, nose hurts, bum sore, need a back rub. The child behind me is obnoxious and needs a good stabbing. Sleep is non-existent: eye masks not supplied. Dinner was ok but they ran out of the sea bass (obviously this is the worst thing ever). I may survive the jetlag, since it's basically just a shorter night. Plane webcam is cool though. I wonder if I should get another snack" "If the back of my chair gets kicked again, I shall politely ask that the persons behind me be ejected"
"The plane smells odd, and the editing in Hitman: Agent 47 is... even odder" "Tired. Don't like HK. Sleep needed" |
Author28 year old computer scientist/physicist with major depressive disorder, a need to write, and a deep-rooted mistrust of beetroot. Categories
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