Vietnam is a magical country. A country of contrasts. A country of mountains and rivers and other country-like things, including some people and at least one dog. Having spent five days in their big city that they've tried to make look all modern, I feel I'm uniquely experienced enough to share with you these top secret must-know travel tips before you venture into this mysterious land. Consider the following, to help prepare you. 1. They Use Dongs Instead of MoneyOne of the first things you need to know before you travel to Vietnam is that they are not as good at money as you or I. As such, real currencies like dollars and pounds aren't as much use to the locals (or "Vietnamese" as they are sometimes called) and although some will accept a dollar as a special gift, they mostly use this sort of toy-like facsimile of real money that they call "Dongs".
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As an official representative in New Zealand of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and That Other Bit We Don't Talk About I've tasked myself with writing a rebuttal to my now world-famous list of things Kiwis do that put Brits to shame. It's a not-insubstantial task, not least since the things I miss about home tend to be a specific group of people rather than the football hooligans and the rats. Anyway here goes. Just remember: if you disagree with any of these, you're wrong. 1. TVPop quiz. What manner of creature is this?
Some things are subjective, and some other things are just better in different countries. That's like, science, or something. Here are several of the things in which Kiwis surpass those smelly Eengleesh. Of which I am one. I feel under a certain amount of obligation to do some kind of New Year's post, either looking back on 2016 (may it rest in miserable peace) or on resolutions and plans for 2017. The problem is I don't have any resolutions per-se, and any retrospective of 2016 would mostly be a repeat of the kind of things I'm writing about anyway travel-wise, or just the phrase "my PhD is Hell" written over and over again.
So I've opted to cheat, and just write something I've been meaning to talk about for a while, sort of in the vein of that latter option above. Far be it from me to advise people not to do a PhD. Instead maybe this will act more as a warning of what to expect from the point of view of somebody mentally-broken. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and for people depressed,
Expectations of joy, may instead leave you stressed... The anxious may find, that rather than "cheer", Their social commitments cause feelings of fear. Elation! Delight! That's the typical norm, All those Christmasy things leave you fuzzy and warm! Most people get this, and wouldn't assume, The emotion you're feeling, is actually "gloom". New Zealanders haven't quite mastered the English language. It's not as terrible as the American attempt at the mother tongue (YEH I SAID IT), but there are definitely a few turns of phrase that will be unfamiliar to the travelling Brit (depressed or not). As a public service—and since my blog is doing quite nicely these days—I thought I'd compile a short list to help people out. Don't think of me as a hero.
Boredom is the worst. You ever get that special kind of bored feeling, where it's like someone has draped a thick slab of lard across your head and body and then sat on it? There's a tangible weight that sort of makes you feel uncomfortable and itchy and fuzzy and queasy. I hate that feeling
The following are some assorted notes, taken on my phone, during my trip thus far. I share them partly because they usually represented me at my absolute worst, and might (?) give some insight into how the travelling depressive brain sees things, and partly out of a sadistic need to spread my negative experiences as widely as possible. As if you don't have enough to worry about. Outward bound "Seven hours airborne, third film, nose hurts, bum sore, need a back rub. The child behind me is obnoxious and needs a good stabbing. Sleep is non-existent: eye masks not supplied. Dinner was ok but they ran out of the sea bass (obviously this is the worst thing ever). I may survive the jetlag, since it's basically just a shorter night. Plane webcam is cool though. I wonder if I should get another snack" "If the back of my chair gets kicked again, I shall politely ask that the persons behind me be ejected"
"The plane smells odd, and the editing in Hitman: Agent 47 is... even odder" "Tired. Don't like HK. Sleep needed" |
Author28 year old computer scientist/physicist with major depressive disorder, a need to write, and a deep-rooted mistrust of beetroot. Categories
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